Middle Aged Woman Blogging

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I'm Outta Here!!!

This is where I'm from...

This is where I'm going..

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! May you be with the ones you love this Holiday Season! See you in January!!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I decided to take a peaceful little nap on my sofa yesterday when all hell broke loose. In my dream, I was actually on my sofa and my mother, who’s been dead now for over a year, was sitting in a chair across from me. I do not remember what we were talking about when I felt a prick of a pin on my right side. I felt down by my bra strap and there was a safety pin that had opened up and was sticking in me. OUCH! Blood!!! I pulled it out and it became a very sharp, black BIC pen. I remember being worried about blood poisoning? I was bleeding and bleeding. It wouldn’t stop. I’ve never seen so much blood and I certainly don’t ever remember ever dreaming about blood before in my life.

I ran to the bathroom and saw there was a pool of blood on the floor from where I had been bleeding before from my mouth or face. I grabbed a wet washcloth to press against the wound. I was wearing a green shirt and there were blood splatters all over it. The back of the shirt was tie-dyed in bright blues and yellows, reds and white. I kept dabbing the wound with the cloth until it finally stopped bleeding. I looked down and the wound was black and dark red and located right above my armpit. My mother was with me all this time. I do not remember what she was talking about.

Then, as I sat back down on my sofa, I heard men singing. At least 100 barbershop singers walked into my living room and I had to move furniture around to make room for them.

My walls were painted pale pink and it reflected on my furniture making it look pink, especially one chair. Then, the room turned into a ballroom or convention room and there was a horse drawn wagon with barbershop singers sitting on top. I remember thinking of Bob, my ex-husband, because he sang barbershop. My mom was still there and I don’t know if we were talking or if I was thinking… Bob was really nice and it’s too bad it didn’t work out, but he has a hole where his heart should be. A void right in the middle of his chest. End of dream.

When I awoke I had to look around to see if I had painted my walls pink. I expected to see barbershop singers, but of course, there were none. Five years after my twenty-five year marriage ended, I am still analyzing and trying to figure out what went wrong, even in my dreams. Five years have passed and I still do not date. Was this a release dream? The loss of blood and a healing wound?

Was it a poison pen or a sign that I need to write more?

I am visiting my daughter for the holidays and who is coming on the exact day my plane lands in LA? Yes, him! How does this happen? I made my reservations six months ago and he makes plans without even consulting our daughter. It was a surprise to her, also. And so, sharing two children, our paths cross. Through blood we are forever linked, and slowly my wound heals.

This song won't stop playing in my head....

Friday, November 20, 2009

Let's Get Fired Up!!

Cassie, a friend of my daughter's who I have become friends with also, invited me to come along and paint pottery. I'd never done it before and not sure if I'll ever do it again, but I sure had fun!

The selection was almost overwhelming to me. I had no idea where to start. I needed something easy, that much I knew.

So many choices! And colors!!!

I took a peek at some finished products to get ideas.

This is our workspace before we got started... all clean and nice!

Then.... it changed! We got to work!

I picked my colors.

I found a cup I liked.

And I decided to paint hearts. I mean, how hard can hearts be??? I've been painting hearts since before kindergarden!

When I finish my coffee, I figured a little heart would be... you know... heartwarming!!

I need to perfect my writing, but I'll live with this.

All glazed and fired.

A daily morning reminder of how to live my life.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Thanks, Cassie!! xoxo

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What Does Your Music Say About You???

I stole this from JRobin Whitley. This is quite fun.

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Put your iPod, Zune or other music player on shuffle.
Use any playlist or collection you want.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

"Don't Cry Baby" Etta James Gotta Love Etta!

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Tears of a Clown" Smokey Robinson Laughing through the heartache

What do you kiss like?
"Amethyst" Paul Baker

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Soul" Seal

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Music and High Beta Brain Wave Therapy" Kelly Howell owmmmmmmm

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Talkin' bout a Revolution" Afro Fiesta No doubt! I'm such a rebel

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Wonder" Natalie Merchant Duh!

WHAT IS 2+2?
"After Midnight" Eric Clapton Somehow this fits!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"An Awakened Life" Dr. Wayne Dyer This is true!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"De Ja Vu" Crosby Stills Nash and Young Past life maybe?

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Don't Let it Bring You Down" Annie Lennox Damn!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?"

"Precious Declaration" Collective Soul

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"You Shook Me" Led Zeppelin Oh yeah!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"All Kinds" Dan Wilson It takes all kinds to make this circus!

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"From Me to You" The Beatles

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Sister Christian" Night Ranger

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Take Me To Your Pilot" Elton John

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"What Child is This" Dan Fogelberg Too Funny! I am always asking my kids, "Whose child are you?"

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"You Keep Me Hangin' On" Diana Ross and The Supremes How fitting is this?

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Long, Long Time" Sara Evans, Martina McBride, Mindy McCready and Lorrie Morgan

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"My Funny Valentine" Frank Sinatra

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Long Time Comin'" Crosby, Stills and Nash

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"The Lion Sleeps Tonight" Togo Togo Crazy! When my daughter left for Togo, West Africa I cried my eyes out!

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Why Can't We Live Together?" Sade LMAO

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Don't Let Me Down" Beatles

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Cry" Faith Hill Apparently not! LOL

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Stand By Me" Playing for Change

Cartoon by Mike Parisi at Off The Mark.com

What does your music say about you???

Friday, November 13, 2009

God, I Miss Mike Royko

Procopius reminded me how much I miss Mike Royko. My mother saved this article from years ago in her bottom drawer. It must have had something to do with her having four daughters. She made each of us read it. Click on the image and it will enlarge so you, too, can read it. Hilarious! I miss this guy! Chicago Tribune hasn't been the same since.

Or click here and see if it works.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Hold Your Children Tight

"Jakie"

June 15, 1987 - November 5, 2009

The first time I met Jake he was six years old, blond and blue eyed with a smile that stole my heart away. I loved him immediately. My son, Zach, and Jake met in first grade becoming fast friends. From that point on, for the next twelve years, he was practically a member of our family. I would sit at little league games with Jake’s mom cheering on the boys while his father coached the team. The boys grew older and their fathers would take them golfing. The two of them spent many hours together, fishing and swimming at the lake in our subdivision. I have photos of them in their white shirts and ties making their First Communions, and then their Confirmations. More pictures of them at grade school dances and graduation fill my photo albums. They grew older still, attending Homecoming dances and football games. Jake took up wrestling and won several state titles. My husband and I divorced Zach’s senior year of high school. His father moved to Singapore and I moved into the city. Zach changed schools and he saw less and less of Jake. Zach went off to college, but Jake would still drop by my house and see how we were doing. I saw a change in Jake that made me uncomfortable. I would call Zach and ask him what was going on, but I never quite got a straight answer. It was all speculation. Thursday night, at 10:30 PM, Zach’s quivering voice informed me, “Mom, Jake’s dead.”

My heart sank. Surely, he’s joking. It can’t be. I was in disbelief. Not the little boy who sneezed on your birthday cake? Not the little boy whose smile could warm any heart? Twenty-two years old? No! How did he die? I should have known better than to ask. My first thoughts were of his parents and the hell they must be in, the hell they must have been in for the last several years. These things don’t just happen over night. Yes, the boys drank in high school. Yes, I believe Zach smoked pot when he went away to college, but so did I. I did not want to believe that the little boy who came to visit me, making sure I was doing fine, had died of a heroin overdose.

Zach rode the Amtrak home from school Sunday morning. We arrived at the mortuary that afternoon, seeing the line of people come to pay their respects curving out into the parking lot. Forty-five minutes later I heard, “Oh, Zach!” and I watched Jake’s mom’s arms fly around my son’s neck. They stood there sobbing, unable to release each other for several minutes. I have never witnessed such a heart-wrenching scene. I knew she was thinking what I was thinking. How did things get so far off track? The sight of Zach reminded her of better days. Happier times. Wasn’t it just yesterday they were golfing?

Jake’s death was the third drug related death in the last several months from our former little haven. Heroin has moved into the suburbs, your suburbs. It is cheap and easily obtainable and it isn’t ghetto any longer. I beg you, hold on to your children. Educate yourselves and be involved. If you know of any child that has taken the road that Jake took, do not do what I did, which was nothing. Speak up! Say something. Show them you care about them and love them. Perhaps you will save a life. It is too late for me to go back, now. My heart may never heal and I know for sure, Zach’s won’t. Jake’s dead.